Apparition

If I can’t be close to you
I’ll settle for the ghost of you

That lusty youth!
I remember you then.
The trusting, rough-edged
Carefree lad I fell in love with
With dreams in common
And hope to spare

Maybe you’re life and Jess-hardened
Not ever really at rest
Buffering buffering
Always stressed
All brake, no gas
Reliving the scary past

But I’d take a poor man’s you
The hollow wooden hull
In lieu of anyone else’s best
Separation of body from soul
At least for as long as I can
Consider it blessed

Maybe it’s not healthy or best
Call it tradition
Addiction
Attrition
Synapses, impasses and
Contradiction

I’d miss you so much
The real and imagined,
And wonder what could have happened
Standing by
Heart in hand
Asking for your love

I still recall the yous I’ve known
Biggest fan
And the future versions, possibilities
What-a man
It’s the right now you
I don’t understand.